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What the Papers Didn't Say

by Gordon Robbie


Gordon Robbie was famous throughout HMSO for his shy and retiring nature. He would agree with anyone to maintain the peace. Well, ten years of retirement and reaching the age of 70 have brought out the rebel in him. His opinions are now too strong, even for   The Guardian, who refused to publish the following five letters. Readers (including Ken Rhodes, another   Guardian correspondent) are invited to submit examples of their own literary masterpieces which have got no further than the sub-editor's spike.


Dear Editor,

My reaction to all the letters (Guardian,  26 May) on the private sector/public service question was "Well, they would say that, wouldn't they", given the various organisations which the correspondents represented. I claim to speak for no-one but myself, but as a retired civil servant who spent all his career in a Government department whose main business was dealing with the private sector, I formed the opinion that many of the private sector organisations with which we dealt would have had severe difficulties in organising an evening of Bacchanalian revelry in a manufactory of fermented liquor, and could not have been reliably recommended as purveyors of pre-owned motor vehicles. There were exceptions who were very good at their business and minded their own, and were a pleasure to work with. Unfortunately, the consultants (and now PFI contractors) that politicians chose to foist upon us ignorant public servants seemed to be more often drawn from the first group than the latter. But seriously, in private sector hands, public services of any kind can only become means to the end of private profit.

Yours sincerely, Gordon G Robbie


Dear Editor,

If the world today was the end product or even the prototype of intelligent design, one of the main design features would have to be either one world religion or universal aetheism.  What we actually have is obviously not intelligent, with far too many people ruthlessly defending the huge chips on their own shoulders while thoughtlessly knocking off the chips on others, and making a decent fist at destroying the world in the process. Intelligent design implies the mess we have today is all somebody's fault, while evolution is just the way the cookie crumbles eminently more believable!

Yours faithfully, Gordon G Robbie


Dear Editor,

I was pleased to see that a group of Liberal Democrat councillors have been bold enough to express their preference for antique Chinese porcelain ("We're backing Ming" Letters, 15/2/06). It might have been more to the point if they had expressed support for a certain Menzies (pronounced by us native-born Scots exactly as spelt, as in Mackenzie) Campbell, who is currently a candidate for the Lib-Dem leadership, if radio and TV news broadcasts consistently mangled by mis-pronunciation are to be believed.

Yours sincerely, Gordon G Robbie


Dear Editor,

I feared the worst when the Guardian  decided to forsake its broadsheet format and status. Now it's happened a Pete Doherty exclusive. Yuck!

Cheers, Gordon G Robbie


Dear Editor,

I am disappointed and distressed that The Guardian  continues to waste space on its Letters page by printing correspondence about 35mm film cans and mint imperials, while my beautifully crafted and reasoned letters on much more important subjects are always spiked. And anyway, I now have a digital camera, so film cans are a total irrelevance; and where I was born and brought up in Angus, mint imperials were, and always will be, pepperies. So there!

Yours sincerely, Gordon G Robbie

 
 


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